On Golden Pond

This is a beautiful movie because of the performances of all the actors involved in it. I love Katherine Hepburn, especially in this one – she (and Betty White) are who I want to emulate in the aging department.

The father and daughter “making peace” scene in this movie is moving – I cried the first time I saw it.

On Golden Pond is a study of aging, making peace with your past, and love – give this movie a chance, there are just so many things going on in it.

Did I mention it has a play-like feel to it? (It was one.)

Quotes

Billy Ray: So, I heard you turned 80 today.
Norman: Is that what you heard?
Billy Ray: Yeah. Man, that's really old.
Norman: You should meet my father.
Billy Ray: Your father's still alive?
Norman: No, but you should meet him.

Norman: You want to know why I came back so fast? I got to the end of our lane. I couldn't remember where the old town road was. I went a little ways in the woods. There was nothing familar. Not one damn tree. Scared me half to death. That's why I came running back here to you. So I could see your pretty face and I could feel safe and that I was still me.
Ethel: You're safe, you old poop and you're definitely still you picking on poor old Charlie. After lunch, after we've gobbled up all those silly strawberries we'll take ourselves to the old town road. We've been there a thousand times. A thousand. And you'll remember it all. Listen to me, mister. You're my knight in shining armour. Don't you forget it. You're gonna get back up on that horse and I'm gonna be right behind you holding on tight and away we're gonna go, go, go.
Norman: I don't like horses. You are a pretty old dame aren't you? What are you doing with a dotty old son of a bitch like me?
Ethel: Well, I haven't the vaguest idea.


Ethel: You know, Norman, you really are the sweetest man in the world, but I'm the only one who knows it.

Plot Summary

An aging retired teacher and his wife, Ethel (Katherine Hepburn) and Norman Thayer (Henry Fonda), spend summers at their cabin on a lake called Golden Pond. Their daughter Chelsea (Jane Fonda), who is somewhat estranged from her crusty father, comes for her father’s birthday party. Chelsea does not come alone. She introduces them to her new fiance, Bill (Dabney Coleman), and asks her parents to permit Bill's young son Billy (Doug McKeon) to stay with them while she and Bill have some time to themselves.

The boy is annoyed by being left with elderly strangers with no friends nearby and nothing to do. He resents Norman's sharp manner at first, but eventually comes to enjoy the older couple’s company, Golden Pond, diving lessons, going out on a boat, and he and Norman’s fishing adventures together. Chelsea returns, a little exasperated and envious of the fact that Norman has bonded with her soon-to-be stepson in a way he never quite did with her. With her mother’s support and encouragement, father and daughter make peace.

Life Lessons

There is a lot going on in this movie, but I think the most prevalent theme is about aging.

Everyone ages differently. Some of it you can choose and some of it you can’t, but you can always choose how you deal with it.

This movie presents us with two good examples of aging at the opposite ends of the spectrum in Norman and Ethel Thayer.

The Norman Thayer, Jr. character has many of the ailments common to people his age, including arthritis and palpitations, but his most pressing health issue is his slow mental decline. He knows he is not at the top of his game anymore so grumpiness and a sharp tongue is his cover. With the exception of his wife, he has decided to withdraw socially and keep people at bay with his “victim” attitude. His wife Ethel is one smart lady, she is refusing to let him become a recluse and a victim to the aging process, but it is a struggle – one she is more than up to handling.

The Ethel Thayer character is handling the aging process in an entirely different manner. She is loving, social, positive, energetic, and is always looking forward. She is a nurturer and the rock her family rotates around. She adores her husband and is compassionate towards his health issues and memory issues, but she challenges his negative behaviors and attitudes. She is refusing to allow him to fall into the role of victim or recluse. Unlike her husband, she is interested in maintaining relationships with her neighbors and family. She is good-natured and nonjudgmental and is approaching her “twilight” years as an adventure, not a death sentence.

A word about caregivers….of the Norman Thayers in this world.

It’s hard being made of Teflon and that is what you have to become when the time comes to take on the role of caregiver of the Normans of this world. Your loved one does not want to talk roughly to you, call you mean names they would never use if they were their pre-disease self, keep you awake at night, or insist that you be at their beck and call 24/7, but the disease ravaging their bodies does.

It’s hard for a caregiver to be clear-headed when you have so much on your plate, but think about this a moment, when you have a moment to do so, it is the disease living in their body that is doing the talking, not them. Pre-disease person would blush in shame asking of you what they have to ask of you now so they can have a quality of life, but their disease mixed with fear, anxiety, depression, denial or anger is steering their ship now as they are experiencing dis-ease.

Teflon, that is the ticket and a journal, keep a journal, even if you have to keep it under lock and key, pour it out in there so “all that stuff” has somewhere to go and does not build up to create dis-ease in you.

A word about guilt and letting go…..your health is just as important as the health of the person you are caregiving so it is all right to say, “I can’t do this anymore, I need help.” Lessening your role as caregiver and letting the professionals in the caregiving field step up to the plate and take some of this off your shoulders is an option that you should always keep open. You don’t have to be anyone’s superman, sometimes it’s okay to be Lois Lane or Jimmy.

On Golden Pond Movie Cast

• Katharine Hepburn as Ethel Thayer
• Henry Fonda as Norman Thayer Jr.
• Jane Fonda as Chelsea Thayer Wayne
• Doug McKeon as Billy Ray
• Dabney Coleman as Bill Ray
• And Others